Treading Water

Are you on the shore or on the lake? In the lake? Treading water?

We’re at the place where we’re accomplishing our goals just as we planned or have left the resolutions of the new year behind and are looking at them with dread and regret because we haven’t made it as far as we had hoped. Congratulations if you’re in the first group and GREAT NEWS if you’re in the second group because we can change that!

Look around! Where are you physically, in your head, and in your heart?

If there are places you don’t want to be - Where do you want to be? Change can seem scary and it may have actually been scary. The feelings are real. How we manage feelings and change is within our control. There are changes that we can’t control - illness, choices made by others that affect us, events of nature - but we still can have some measure of control for ourselves and outcomes using the E4 Method - embrace, explore, engage, examine.

Join us in working the steps of the E4 Method. I’ll share more about each as we move through the steps, including personal examples and resources to help you be successful along the way. This is a path, a walk, and doesn’t need to be rushed. This is a method to use like a frame. You can collect information that is useful to you in achieving change and accomplishing goals. Change can be a goal in itself. You put what you choose in the frame. Here we go!

Step 1 - EMBRACE your place.

Identify where you are. I’m going to be very clever and call that place “here”. You’ll also need to consider and determine the place you want to be, or want to get to, and call that place “there”. Easy so far! These simple words represent the first steps for your goal and can be as big or as small as you choose. Take as much time as you want or need with each step as we work on each of the E4Method:

EMBRACE - EXPLORE - ENGAGE - EXAMINE

If you’re interested subscribe to LifEdvice and get the E4 Method Guide, monthly emails, and check out the blog as we make our way from here to there Learning to live life well!

I have to be perfect...

I have to be perfect…

“Often the interesting twist to this heresy is that you are the only one bound by it. Others don’t have to be perfect. Just you. Others are allowed to be human and make mistakes, but you aren’t", pg 25, I have to be Perfect (and other parsonage heresies), by Timothy L Sanford.

I hadn’t realized it…but this is often true. Are you a perfectionist? Do you have “high expectations” of yourself? Do you strive for “excellence”? Interesting that we may have an unattainable goal for ourselves but we don’t expect the same of others. Why is that?

Why is it that we may set unattainable goals or expectations for ourselves but we don’t require the same of others? We allow others to make mistakes, missteps, and miss-communications - we give others grace. I think we often wish we could grant the same to ourselves. There are times we wish someone else would give that to us.

In “I Have to be Perfect”, Tim explores the difficult world “should” creates and the negative connections that word creates impacting our self-confidence, often resulting in anxiety and depression. If you’re struggling with perfectionism, anxiety, depression - or strong emotions that may seem overwhelming - please share these with someone you trust. Just telling someone can be a powerful step toward regaining your footing in this sometimes precarious world.

During this time of year when we may be reflecting on what happened before and what may happen next, we can feel pleased, excited, hopeful, or discouraged, defeated or numb. You may need to leave some of those “should’s” in the past and focus on the “can’s”. Whatever you’re feeling or thinking be mindful of the impact to you and others. Share your feelings with someone, as I mentioned previous, or check-in with someone that is struggling and open the door for them to share with you.

I also want to challenge you to think of 3 things your thankful for in the year that is ending and 3 things that you are thankful for in the one that’s just beginning. Sharing these can be great to as well!

And if you’re finding it difficult to identify things for which you are thankful because at this time you find the world to be gray or dark, may be you have persistent thoughts about harm - contact a friend, therapist, health care provider or call 988 to get access to resources near you. Reach out, tell someone, get help. You’re not the only one - there is help.

We’re at the end of one year, entering into a new one - I encourage you to make it a hope filled, good start.

Check out Tim’s other books and the E4 Method to master change at LifEdvice, learning to live life well!

Article-SAW Approaches to Mental Health-Related Requests

Full article published in @Work Magazine, May 2023, by Aarin Harper